Brakes on

At the moment everything's moving so fast. Hours whittle away, days become weeks and weeks disappear into months. I feel like everything is on fast forward. I desperately want to be in the moment and feel what's going on but sometimes it's just too much.

I'm sort of lurching from one event to another - small challenges, big experiences - with an open heart and wide eyed. I just wish time would slow a little, let me catch up. I'm trying to stay busy, to keep me moving and living, yet I'm trying to make sure to process and talk too. It's pretty exhausting. 

Today I ordered in a hungover dinner from her favourite Thai restaurant. Our last order was stored on their website. Memories of the excitement she had every time we got takeaway and lay on the couch on Sundays came flooding in and with them tears, anger, bitterness... Why me? Why her? Why us? Nothing makes sense any more...