Happy Birthday Pannie

To the most beautiful, kindest, warmest and special person I have ever met - I hope if there's part of you somewhere watching over me that you know how much you are missed every passing day. We celebrated birthdays in our own haphazard and funny way, it's crazy to think that that is now a thing of the past. I'll miss your handmade cards, your birthday energy and your randomly brilliant presents so much. 

You'd be happy and proud to see how clean and uncluttered the place is. I'm trying to put my own touch on the house without changing too much; all those plans we had hatched will come into fruition soon. I even bought myself a hammock for the yard, hung all the art we'd left around the floors and finished the DIY stuff you'd started for me getting home from Oz in April.

I'm meeting your dad for a swim today. I don't think he's been in the 40 Foot for a long time. We're closer than ever; you'd love it. I've a big crowd of friends coming for another swim tonight and then we're ordering in Indian in your honour. Saag Paneers and Peshwaris Naans all round... Jane organised a big get together on Saturday where we celebrated you as a family in Mary & Anthony's house. It was so nice to see the Deasy clan out in force including the latest addition - Jane & Mark have an amazing pup called Einstein. You'd love her. Your family is so kind to me. 

These occasions aren't getting any easier and there's only been three of them so far PT. The thought of Halloweens, Christmases, NYEs and so on is so, so daunting...

I've so much more to share but this is too difficult today. I love you and I always will. X