Yesterday, as I explained to someone that not only hadn’t I booked a hotel in Paris, I wasn’t even sure how I was getting there - I found myself saying “I’m not usually this disorganised. In fact, I’m usually the opposite. It’s just that...” I paused and she looked at me. What do I say? This polite and friendly person I’ve met but thirty minutes ago and we’re about to share a train journey to Paris for three and a half hours “…Life at home is very difficult”. I welled up. I looked away. She didn’t press and the conversation moved on. How many times will there be moments like this?

Earlier in the weekend I met many friends – some dating from when I first started travelling Europe playing Ultimate almost 17 years ago and others from more recent times. With most of them there was a sadness, a lack of words and a warmth of emotion that touched me with each of their embraces. I didn’t know what to say and neither did they. Sometimes I opened right up and others times I shrugged and we implicitly/silently accepted that life had dealt me a rough hand. It’s hard to know how people take either reaction. I don’t want to upset anyone else and yet I don’t know what I’m doing – it’s a daunting new and uncertain path. For someone who loves talking and interacting with people this particular topic will likely be one I come back to a lot. Here’s hoping I find some answers.