A tightrope and a yoyo

"How are you?". "Up and down like a yoyo". "How are you?". "I feel like I'm walking on a tightrope. Anything Liane-related knocks me clean off the rope".

Trying to describe how I feel face-to-face is so hard because I well up and my throat constricts. My heart pounds faster and my thoughts flood. I find myself repeating myself or saying things I don't mean. I feel like the words that come out aren't mine and don't do justice to either Liane or the loss I am feeling. Most of the time I end up not sure what to say at all. The person who has asked the question meanwhile is left wondering if I've been upset or corrects themselves in an equally jumbled manner. Two humans trying hard to communicate but without the power to do so...