Sometimes you feel it coming. Maybe all day, maybe from a moment in the middle of the day. Other times it’s a sucker punch in public or a sharp side swipe on your own.
Today I knew it was coming from when I woke up after a fitful sleep, raw and unsure. I felt it in the handshake of a student who looked me in the eyes and told me what my article (published in the Irish Independent yesterday - post to follow) meant to him. I felt in the quiet morning confide of a tearful colleague. I felt in on the bus journey towards home. I felt it in a friend’s house after dinner. And I felt the full force of the pain when I got home and put on Bon Iver, inviting the emotion to wash over me.
Maybe she’s trying to talk to me. Maybe I’m trying to contact her. Maybe our souls are sharing a delicate dance of sadness and lost love. Maybe I’m just tired and lonely. Maybe it’s simple biological yearning. Whatever it is, there are times you can sidestep and there are times when you need to face and embrace. Tonight’s one of the latter occasions - let the emotion in, drink in the rawness of it, bask in the alone and let the pain flow through.
Liane Deasy - you’re the world to me. X