Clinging on

Sometimes it feels like I’ve just one finger grabbing on to a thin ledge - holding the whole show together. The pressure builds and the finger slips a little before somehow a second reaches up to share the load. I still don’t fully understand where my strength comes from. I’m hitting hurdles, falling over obstacles and crawling across deadlines. One foot forward then slowly the next. It’s like a war of attrition only the further I go the little bit stronger I get. 

The past week has been difficult for many reasons - Lianes six month anniversary, another wedding, the tiredness that followed it and some pressure at work. Maybe the most difficult was the smallest thing - two phrases than came into my head that were so her and so part our every day life. Those little jokes that are the cement to your happiness, the glue to your togetherness.

"Hasta luego pego" & "deal mcbeal"/"ally mcdeal". Both mean nothing and everything. The fact I'm typing them through tear-filled eyes gets the idea across. I can hear her voice in my head singing them both to me. The first a little goodbye and the second a fun agreement, both backed up with a grin and the tone of someone smiling... 

Oof. This ones a tough one.