A couple of months ago a friend of mine emailed me to tell me that she had been in touch with the producer of Róisín Ingle's podcast (Róisiín Meets) and that they wanted to get me on to talk about Liane, about my grieving process and some other topics. I read the email a couple of times and thought "I'm actually ready for this" but let it sit. I just wanted to be sure.
Last week I went in to the Irish Times office, met the producer - a lovely woman called Jennifer Ryan, walked through the bullpen of reporters and into a small recording room where I met Róisín for the first time. I was daunted, nervous and uncertain. Quickly my fears were allayed as her generous and kind nature instilled in me some calm, even comfort. As an interviewer Róisín hit the perfect spot between keeping me moving forward and teasing out the deeper questions, and answers. I felt ready to open to her and to talk freely about Liane, my feelings, my thoughts and our lives together. I left 40 sweaty minutes feeling relaxed and confident.
Today the podcast went live. I listened to in a mate's car sitting in 8am traffic after a lovely swim with a big gang. It was a tough listen, my own words making me well up frequently. The love we shared is something very special and I'm glad it came across. I'd love her to hear and see all this. My life has changed so much - I feel I'm becoming more the person she dreamt I could be than the person I was. The person missing it all is her and that will hurt forever.