The last time...

...I bought a Christmas tree, you were there.

...I booked my bike on a train, you were there. 

...I took our things from the attic, you were there.

...I planned a summer trip to stave off the January blues, you were there. 

...I turned around at midnight on December 31st looking for your embrace, you were there.

...I loved you with my senses, my heart, my mind and my soul, you were there.  

...I dreamt of being a father, you were there.  

From the mundane to the extraordinary, from the daily ritual to the seasonal, from the now to the then - your missing is felt so keenly. You’re present in so much yet absent so acutely. I can feel you but not hold you. I can sense you but not communicate with you. Sometimes I’m not sure if it’s real or if it’s just my yearning.   

With every new occasion comes a more heightened awareness of my loss, our loss, everyone’s loss. I hope it wanes someday. I hope it wanes.