Another goodbye

I started this post a few times. The first edit I didn't like, the second needed refining and the third I deleted and saved over with nothing by accident. Maybe my gran Maura doesn't want me to try and sum up her life in a few paragraphs on a public blog where anyone and everyone can read it... Maybe I've been tired and uninspired recently... Maybe my typically frenetic brain is overthinking another moment, drawing big conclusions from the smallest error... Whatever it is, I feel like I want to talk about her so here goes. 

My grandmother Maura died in mid January. Hers was the third death I faced in a 10 day period and the one closest to me, her having been in my life since it began. She was 97 years old and a brave, fiery, strong and remarkable woman. Her brain was mischievous, creative, caring and sharp until the finish. Despite losing sight in one eye, surviving a stroke and being bed/chair-ridden for the past 2 years she fought and she tried to say positive. 

Her death isn’t comparable to Lianes in that it was her time to go. The shock and numbness of last April wasn’t here this time. If anything there was a palpable sense of relief in that she wasn’t suffering any more. But it does mark the end of an era in our family and I’ll miss her. I’ll particularly miss the way her and Liane has bonded so well and the way she backed me no matter what I said or did. Few people in the world love you that hard...

I regret not spending more time with her. I regret seeing visiting her as a chore at times. I regret not being around in the dark times for her. I regret never telling just how much she meant to me. I hope that somehow she’s at peace and that she can tell how much we all admired and loved her. She taught us more than I can say here.