Over the course of the next three days I'll be throwing myself into the frisbee tournament I organise every summer. 350 players, 20 teams, 6 pitches and over 120 games played. It's fun, it's intense, it's exhausting and this year it's without Liane's support. Events like this crystallise how much she's missing and how much I miss her.
I crossed the line of a sprint triathlon a few weekends ago and collapsed in floods of tears on a friend's shoulder, her absence so total. I walked through an empty supermarket on Thursday night and cried as I shopped for one, no more dinners shared or cooked for each other. I saw David Kitt's setlist for Castlepalooza included his cover Dancing in the Moonlight and wept at my computer - a song tied to her in every way.
Everything is so raw sometimes. So many steps forward then a lurch backwards. Here's to surviving.