Hurdle after hurdle

Right now it seems each day of each week has a new curveball to send my direction. Since arriving home from France I've faced so much in such a short while. My parents were away so I had space and time to myself but coupled with them, loneliness. I decided to face a few of the difficult tasks on the seemingly endless list of administrative work. 

  • I sold Liane's car
  • I sold our TV
  • I gave away our towels and bed linen
  • I backed up and erased her phone
  • I closed her bank accounts
  • I spent time in our house
  • I visited a grief counsellor

All of this has had different results. I've been exhausted and busy. I've been able to talk through it all with friends and family. I've felt pressure and stress but haven't buckled. I've opened up to the pure grief and let the tears and anguish flow. I've had a blow out night out. I've swam in the sea more than ever before - currently averaging two separate sessions a day. I've helped others. I've bought books and set out new resolutions. I've started thinking about the house and what I need to do to it. I'm continuing to walk forward, step by step. 

I always realised this process would be incredibly difficult but that recognition and acceptance isn't giving me quite as much solace as I hoped it would. On friends and family I continue to lean.